Panic at the First Blast.

I had the first blast
of not knowing what to say
to You

I enjoyed
that You
are no better than
Me

There's nothing much to say
really
but this Me
keeps jumping up and down
having a blast
of looking into you.

Panic
is staring at Me.
Hello.

The New Job.

The New Job.


A lot of you, my friends, have been asking me - hows the new job like? At this point of time, this marvellous oil drawing of mine explains it best..

In the new job, there're a lot of excitement, hope, interest, challenges, perhaps a serene ending, but not without a confusing and overwhelming start, ghost stories, new faces, new friends, and shadows of imbalanced expectations.

Haha - Tu la sapa suruh sms berkilo2... heheh.
Whatever it is, as Sarimah cutely puts it (everytime), chai-freaking-yok!

First Day at School: I've got bangs, bebeh!

First Day at School: I've got bangs, bebeh!

The thing I remember most about my first day at school, darjah 1 at SRK Guru Nanak, was a picture that my father took of me in front of our ghost-laden house on Jalan Abdul Manaf, Ipoh. I was in a dark blue pinnafore, pony-tailed, and worked some serious bangs with even a seriouser look. It was an annoyed look, but cant remember lah what I was annoyed about. Everything was perfect, new.

See what I mean? This wasnt the pinafore picture but the look is the same :)

We berjiran with an old couple, which I called Opah and Atok London. They’re known as the London couple because Atok speaks English like a Londoner. Opah, not so much. She wore a true Perak accent that I found amusing, cos Mak & Abah dont speak like that at all. On that day, Atok came out by the side of our shared pagar and commented (something like this la), ” Wah professor hari ni segak la nak pegi sekolah. You must study well okay! Ha ha ha!” (Well, he laughs a lot, this deep, sonorous laugh that’s contagious to his cucu, Abang Manap, and to my Abah too). He made it a habit calling me professor, my adik-adik - Wan:"doctor", Eli: "engineer", and the youngest, A'e : I cant remember, maybe he was too young to be assigned a career, hehe. But as magical as his laugh was, his words are even more. I think I am on my way to become a PhD doctor, Wan just passed his medic exam and is now Dr. Syafwan, Eli works with machines, though not really an engineer, and A'e, currently undecided (baru lepas matrix ni).

Abah must have sent me to school on my first day, but after that, I followed Mak to school on foot. It was a 15 minutes walk (one way) and Mak tried to hold my hand when she can cos the roads, though we used jalan taman perumahan a lot, were still visited by speedy cars. My first day to school was also my Mak’s first day to school. She transferred from her school in Tapah to the same school as I was enrolled in. She’s a teacher, you see.

I recalled that scene from Harry Potter the first movie, when all new students was selected into the “Houses”. “Griffindor!” the hat shouted. During my time, it was “Yellow!” or “Red!”. I was assigned the yellow house but later cried to my class teacher wanting it to be changed to blue. My friend from kindergarten (perhaps the only one whom continued her journey with me at SRK Guru Nanak) named Syarifah Nurul Akmam was in either yellow or green. But I know there was somebody in the class that got into blue, and I wanted to be with her so bad. This migration from yellow to blue proved to be a disappointing move 6 years down the road, where at the peak of my fame and glory as the senior in Standard 6, Blue House was sucking ass big time. And most obviously yellow won, with all my other cliques members championing it!

His Story: I

Once I have murmured
history along his
jaw

He's bearing
a heavy
burden
Oblivion and Denial
befriended him

And I
I am unable to be
a Satan
nor an Angel
for him
Unable to give birth to
Warnings
For my deaf and blind
lover

When foes come
from every directions
I am already dying
murdered
by his unfulfilled
Responsibility

The history continues
Him carrying
a heavy burden
only to fail
by beautiful deceptions

Post-election Kota Bharu, Evergreen Kota Bharu

Post-election Kota Bharu, Evergreen Kota Bharu

My bapak calls this place, "tempat Qur'an"

What can I say - despite the controversial arguments of my roommate Sarimah against everything Kelantese (except nasi kerabu), I just have to say the state has captured my heart, totally. I have not been in Kelantan for 14 years, and going back to it last week was enough to make me want to live there and blend in the melange of its rich culture.

I mentioned to Tanjung about the breathtaking route from Grik to KB, crossing Titiwangsa. Even at the sight of endless pokok kekabu by the roadside made my heart jumped out of excitement. (Some say I'm easily amused too - so, hehe)

This was Lenggong, I believe

We stopped at R&R Puncak Titiwangsa to enjoy this fantastic view.. and sejukkk la!

People say, "Di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung"

The timing can never be any better, I'd say. Post-election in the Bulan state is really an exciting time to be there. People talk about politics all the time, and I hear lengthy stories about the Bulan Party, much about the discontentment of the people too. Some of the arguments why one should vote for Bulan distracted my neurons' activities - like, " You should vote for Bulan because its the easiest way to get your ass into heaven".. Like, what?? Can I kill 100 people now and then vote for Bulan for salvation? Yeah, right.

Political wau motive. Must have gotten subsidy from the party for this effort.

Endless, I'm telling you..

My mother and I paid a visit to a very interesting family in KB. The father is a PKR dude. The mother, a fierce Dacing supporter, and the sons are all for Bulan. These people are all extremist in their own way, and together, make an amusing, contrasting bind of opinion about Malaysia's politics.

If I were a hungry bird, I'd totally hangout here

I was having breakfast with Tanjung at the White House (Bush couldnt make it this time to the coffee session, and we decided to kick Rice out just because) when we came across a Chinese pakcik, who invited us to sit with him. Like any Kelantanese Chinese, this pakcik speaks perfect Kelantanese, with perhaps an unnoticeable chinese accent. We had our arguments on why BN lost and rationalized the gap of expectations of the people against the ruling government.

He said, he believed that the more BN controls the media, it is even worse for them because they can't contest the allegations of the opposition parties against them. Yes, I agree totally with this observation. The Opposition sent SMSes containing allegations against the ruling government to millions of Malaysians, and the BN party took it lightly and never replied to those allegations. The best, is to hold open debates on TV so the people will be able to weigh the truth and the reality. Set rules on the debates. No one wants to be seen as a fool on TV, lambasting on senseless matters. So, rather than having one-sided allegations from other contesting parties, answer them intelligently, unless you really have something to hide.


I remember reading from Jeff Ooi's blog on matters upon matters against Koh Tsu Koon, even giving him an opportunity, a deadline, for Koh to defend himself if indeed the accusations are wrong. Not a word from Koh. As a result, increased vote for Jeff.

In campaigning for elections, as my old man said, a party must know the people they're addressing. Never make verbal mistake because, thanks to the digital world and YouTube, these kind of mistakes will be haunting you forever. Like in Kelantan for example, everyone knows majority of the Kelantanese-Malay value Islam more than anything else. Having this knowledge, why cant one be careful in sculpting the right way of messaging to appeal to these people? Dont ask, "Who can bring development to this state?" and answer "Us, the BN party!".. but rather, it should be " It is God who permits development in this state, but please allow us to offer our service to execute His plans". This is mere example of messaging that I think BN lacked in the last election.

Also when I was in Kelantan, I noticed that the boards that displayed the faces of candidates also featured the Tok Guru Nik Aziz's face next to them. Coupling the two (candidate and main leader) images in my opinion, simplify the choice for the people. If the people dont know the candidate, they will be reminded of the leader, automatically locking in votes. In addition to that, the names of the candidates were displayed as " Kak Ani" and "Cikgu Rahim", suggesting familiarity of the candidate with their people. The idea is to put familiar face to contest in specific counties.

These are small matters, I agree. There are a lot more bigger things that you might consider to explain the current loss of BN. However, when it comes down to reaching out to the people, only these small matters matter. If we're talking about getting every single vote for us, then every single detail must be reckoned with.

Serving us twice for breakfast

Biasalah, sesi jual minyak magic

All in all, I left Kota Bharu in contentment. I shall remember my little dates with Tanjung around the town, Nasi Ulam Cikgu, all the beautiful places I have seen, the polite and nice Kelantanese, the crazy driving style of the people too -"Tubik ikuk suka!", and this little fella I found in Machang:

Felt like I was in biblical times

Featuring: Accidental picture of pakcik beca

I have no idea what the name of this thing is.. but it's actually super overcooked corn with coconut & sugar. Awesome blossom ni!

The revered kuih akok. Not impressive to me personally.

Next, I will try to write on the aftermath of the election. The winners move on. The kerajaan campuran seems to fail to work together, the Sultans are using their power, and of the Malays Penangites, who are poorly managed by the DAP govt in Penang.

I Voted.

I Voted.

My first experience voting is something that I will remember my whole life. I walked to the polling station, holding a really big umbrella that invoked giggles and tease of the pakcik-pakcik, who were holding kopi session by the roadside. The sky was rather dark, and I kept feeling the rectangular shape of my identity card in the back pocket, fearing I might have forgotten it.

As I stepped out of my gate, this is what I see. The polling station was located at the end of this road, on the left.

I accidently took this picture. See the sky? It was pregnant with water. Just about to rain.

I love voting. I will vote as long as there's breath in me, and as long as the country is not yet drowned à cause de global warming. The fact that my vote counts and does make a difference is empowering. If you're the kind of person who couldn't care less about the "politics" of this country, I implore you to just try it once. It's nice to be an adult and vote.

This is our Dewan Orang Ramai, comfortably taken by the BN as a strategic venue to place Puteri-Puteri UMNO, may I add, very cute ones, at the table. See that pink shirt? What you can't see is the PAS booth right across the road, modelling their best breed of young men, also, able to melt those Puteris' hearts. These two, according to my Abah, were bickering dengan manja sekali at each other that morning, when all the elderlies were not there (all went to vote first thing in the morning). Comel nye rasa nak picit-picit pipi tu! Pinang karang! Aww!

My father was joking about how he is a Saluran 2 man, not yet Saluran 1. Konon muda lagi la .. You know these polling booths are divided into saluran-saluran, which corresponds to age. 5 is for new/young voters ( that's me, heh), 2 and 1 are for the "pencen dudes", and the sages of the country, and everyone else is somewhere in the middle.

Yes, this is the tempat keramat, completely ready with the yellow SPR/CSI tape around. I voted in one of those rooms behind the blue sign.

Iklan jap, Oi Carimah, nasib la u vote untuk Pelangai ni, kalo tak buang karen I je register untuk u.. bagus! Hot girls who vote are even TSSSSSS!

Also a shout out to Sangeetha, whose patriotism rooted from my registering her to be a voter this year, and she fulfilled that duty! You so good la Geetha! I'm proud of you!

The result.

This is the most interesting part, of course. For the first time in the country's history, the ever ruling party is suffering from considerable loss of seats all across the country. Both DUN and parliament seats were heavily contested and won over by the opposition parties. Although, the majority still sided with Barisan Nasional, winning them yet another term to hold the Federal Govt.

Though the technicalities of the result is not my expertise, as a citizen, I am relieved to know that democracy in this country is still capable of bringing about change, and that my right is not rigged by a corrupted system, as experienced in some countries in Africa, and Latin America. Even America's voting system is unbelievably fishy to me.

The result is surprising - 5 states go to the opposition, and the rest remains under Barisan Nasional. I for one, never thought this wave would materialized this soon. Perhaps I haven't been watching YouTube as much as I should have, eh?

So Amy asked me, what does this mean for our day-to-day life? Will anything change? I said, perhaps we will not personally experience this change anytime soon. But slowly, the changes will reveal themselves. Those lucky/deserving winners will work hard, if they understand their role well enough, and if they can foresee their fate if they fcuk up things in their kawasan.

This is the end of "taking things for granted" era. Many have learned their lesson, and gained more reasons to be true to the meaning of "service for the people". And this kind of change, is absolutely most welcome.

War.

I am embarrased
at the thought of war
the intention of war
let alone
battling you

It came down
to you and
me
to rumble
in that dirt

brandishing our swords
killing light in our eyes
only to find
we replace each other

I am embarassed
at your nerve
to pull me into this
end

We're in too deep
what are we
waiting for?

This is how I vote.

This is how I vote.

While eating my mother's rendang today, I mentioned to her:

"Mak, Su bersyukur sangat dilahirkan kat Malaysia ni. Dapat makan rendang yang sangat best. Kot2 lahir kat Philippines ke kan tak merasa rendang Mak ni?"

And how my mother laughed at that. I meant more than just the rendang, and I am sure my mother got what I meant.

So the election is coming up real soon. In spite of puke-invoking manipulation of media by the ever-ruling party, all else is good. I love the election for the energy that it contains, and the colours that it brings to my kampung. Blue, white, green, red, although my eyes would be happier with more red actually. No, not inclined towards any party but I simply like red.

Seeing all this happening around me, it makes me smile. I love this country for all the good and not so good things that be its characters. I love the optimism that I have for the future of this country, even if you might disagree and accuse me of naïveté. Perhaps I am, but I like that part of me too.

In the radio, especially the government radios we hear commentaries and songs inviting people to exercise their rights/responsibility to vote. It is said that this country is seeing the growing numbers of young voters, who are educated and know what they want from the wakil rakyat. I dont know about the statistics, but I'd like to think that I am one of them. Yes, our vote shall remain a secret, but I insist to explore how will I vote to make it worth a million to the people that are affected by it.

I believe there are a lot of young voters like me out there, who are not particularly nor blindly pledging allegiance to a certain party. We're novice in this game, thus we tend to be observers rather than the talkers. But we are allergic to bullshits and are quite good to spot one if presented to us. So if you are a calon wakil rakyat thinking that you can use that basi lines on people like me, excuse me for I have to sneeze.

What I am looking for in the person that I will vote for is a good track record - if he/she had been wakil rakyat before, leadership qualities, ability to keep the majority of the people's confidence in him/her, and last but never least, good values.

Track record is simple, have I heard of his/her name before? Where and when has he or she been seen before in the territory that is supposed to diwakilkan? Sekali sekala during some perasmian? School sports day? Is that him riding the motorcycle saying hi to Pak Asrap? Someone important in the kampung died, is he or his wakil there giving condolences? That smelly paya polluted by bad sistem pembetungan, has it been fixed? Where is he? Where is she all these while? It is indeed simple. You just have to be there, or send someone to represent you. If you are not, you're not worth it.

Leadership qualities is also a very simple demand, if I may add. I humbly appreciate an intelligent person who knows the right things to say and do at the right time. Perfection is not what I am looking for. As a wakil rakyat, if you try hard enough, the rakyat can definitely see it, and we'll be glad.

I feel like values are always being undermined in a campaign. Calon wakil rakyat are too busy telling us voters what he/she can do for us even though we know that 50% of what is being said will end up as mere lip service. I want to know what you believe in, what is important to you? Are you a family man? Are you an ambitious businessman? What drives you? What motivates you? How do you work? It is affirmative that I want to get personal with my wakil rakyat, if you know what I mean, heh.

Men and women with tainted values will turn me off. Like seriously, I'm moving on with the next candidate as instantly as a Maggi mee. 2 mins? =) If recently you're being a smart ass and was caught khalwat with a woman and forced to marry that woman when you already have a wife at home, even more if your even smarter wife is filing for a divorce in court on the eve of the parliament disbandment, you're screwed. I know personal life has nothing to do with people's ability to excel in their job. But it gives me a feeling you're distracted, that you'll be spending a lot of time being an old, nasty, ulat bulu rather than doing your job so please, no heart feelings eh? And plus, as an experienced politician I had hoped that you would have learned from other people's mistakes, and clearly see how us Malaysians can hardly cope with malu. Don't make me malu to call you my representative. That's all there is to it.

I think it is really very hard to be a wakil rakyat. Literally, as a wakil you have to service the people. You are bound to sacrifice a lot of things. Although not many wakil rakyat understand the essence of their job, at least present yourself as a good candidate for people like me to vote. I'd hate for my intelligence to be insulted with foolish campaigns and even more foolish people. So gather up, and take on the challenge. Ada 1 minggu lagi beb..

To all new candidates, you might lack track records, but by all means if you confidently show your true potentials, you're on!

p/s: I'm gonna go and listen to all rapat umums involving the calon-calon yang bertanding at my place. I'll...be...watching!... (Robert de Niro to Ben Stiller style in Meet the Parents)

My Venezuela.

I have been roaming the
World
and you
have my eyes fixed forever

I implore you to lay your
Earth for me
This savage almost died
of rapture

Let me dig every inch of
You
I shall taste your soil
Rain myself with your tears
and gladly be imprisoned
for years to come

Let me adorn your curves
with treasure
and shower your needs with deeds

Remember, my Venezuela
Even when you bury me deep
My love
Fulfilled
You.

You Make Me Crazy.

You are
cocky
arrogant
an asshole
unbelievable.

But I
dig
You

Truly
Deeply
Faithfully

I must be mad.

Welcome.

Privilege
is living
without having experienced
life
taken forcefully from you

Luck
is being born
in a family
no matter how
dysfunctional
it could have been an alley
you see

Grace
is being fed
with education
that distinguished
you from
the rest

Peace
shall never be understood
by people living in peace
if only they know
They will rather die
than talking unpeaceful
things.

Salam to all the people
who have never had privilege
luck
grace
nor peace
Welcome to my house.

Down the Memory Lane.

There is one thing that I regret the most in this world. I had once behaved like a vain, self-absorbed bitch that I am certain costs me a friend. I didnt mean how I behaved, but one day someone else did the same to me, and I feel like slapping that person out of her pretense.

Whoa. Shoulda slapped my pretty little face first.

I had a friend. She used to be my everything. We share small things and big things and supported each other through our little asrama-life and it was fun. She was fun, beautiful, and real.

We'd be laughing like madwomen till 2 am on weekends, and eat maggi with cool water and would later be punished by wardens to sit by the fence, cold, in whatever shorts/ scissored t shirts that we were wearing. We'd be wondering together whether our prayers were accepted cos we do a lotta "jahat" things, which are not really jahat I dont think so.. Okay, maybe we hug our boyfriends, so what? hehe.. its not like theres no sluttier gals around that might have slept around.. :-) Uu...

But one day, after about 8 years separated from each other, I met her. My regrettable inability to say no to another friend who also asked me out had led us to go out together, all three of us.

And at that moment, I was someone else. Let me tell you whom I pretended to be. I was this tak sedar diri bitch who spoke with a freaking accent and talk about things like man,.. like I had a PhD on every matter! This friend never wants to do anything with me after that memorable meeting.

Who was that? I didnt like that girl at all.

My point of writing this is to get it out of my system.
So I won't do it ever again.
So that if she reads this (I doubt it), she'd have the heart to forgive me. (Yeah, she can slap me too if she likes).
So that I remember how much I dont like being pretentious. It's killing me.
So Sarimah can learn a thing or two about life.. hehee.. no lah, she's way too real to be pretentious.. She's like kurang upaya or something in terms of being pretentious. Simply not able to pretend like a bitch.

Cos maybe she already is.
Haha.

Arson.

One morning
I woke up
and smell
Smoke.

From the west it
passed my bedroom
window
Warning

Thus I
started building a bridge
that connects the
West
to the rest

The last nail hammered
and I saw hundreds
Villagers
running
towards me
from the West

In fear they
ran and
tramped over me

I died
building a bridge
that saved them
from oppression
violence
and fruit of corruption

How I never regret
the morning
I smelled
My
Purpose.

Excitement I was compelled to share.

Excitement I was compelled to share.

When your friend is super excited about her wedding, you gotta be super duper magnanimously more excited than her. It's called bitch-support. If she calls you using the department store's phone asking for opinion on THE wedding fabric that in the end she won't give a damn about, you just go and give the damn advice anyway, and eat that ice-cream.

Aktiviti membalut.

"Petunang I tinggi ni la lebih kurang"

"Beb, make sure fabric tu tak slippery, kot2 la you nak main lompat2 ngan Syah nanti.." I said

Oi tengok apa tu??!

If she looks like this, just imagine my face in an effort to bitch-support..

Heh, I am really happy lah for you perempuan! Kawinlah you beria-ria.. yeargh!

Français Comme Je l'ai Connu.

Français Comme Je l'ai Connu.

Eh bien, le moment que vous lisez cet entry, vous voyez que mon français n'est pas parfait. Alors, c'est bien naturel à cause de ne me pas l'utiliser depuis trois années. Mais, récemment, quel qu'un m'appeler pour un intervue et a demandé que je présente un petit recourse en français pour 2 minutes. Comme un speech, si vous voulez.

Je suis pas nerveuse, parce que on peut auta karek avec français orale et personne le réalisera. Et c'est plus fun aussi parce que SARIMAH ne vas pas comprendre ce que je dis et vas penser que ça c'est un grand entry qui se discuter à propos d'elle. Quelle joie de vivre!

Il est bien un majeure challenge d'écrire ça petite histoire, pourriez-vous imaginer de parler à propos des rélations internationales au public? Je dois mentionner comment la séparation the Nicolas Sarkozy de sa femme effecter la politique française.. et aussi peut être de Pak Lah avec sa nouvelle femme, Jean Abdullah? Très scandaleux, je vous dis.

Non, mes amis.. Il faut discuter probablement des sujets comme désarmament, la réforme de l'ONU, ou bien le sujet que je déteste de tout mon coeur, l'ASEAN.

Il sera un task dûr pour moi.. En plus avec le français qui ne peut pas m'installer au moins à la porte de l'ONU. Mais ce que j'ai, c'est de la faith, beaucoup d'elle. On verra!

V-Day Treat.

Been writing more poems nowadays. Perhaps cos it's shorter, though not necessarily simpler. Not that I dont have time - I'm on an indefinite vacation and Lord knows how much time I have to waste/fill.

Whatever.
Here goes another.
V-day, remember?

Conversation.

The lover in you
is talking
to the lover in me

"Have we known each other?"
"You taste familiar"
"I am sick with passion,
lend me a cure"
"Why are we imprisoned?"
"Why can't we see each other?"
"Touch me"

The lover in you
is talking
to the lover in me

And we are sitting here
drinking coffee by the moonlight
Symphatizing
with the agony
Of the blind lovers'
Conversation.

A Hole in Your Shirt.

There's a hole in your
Shirt
which I sneaked in
to look for
You

I have returned
from that venture
Exhausted
for having lost
Myself
in
You

There's a hole in your
Shirt
It was enough
for a hundred years
of
Remembrance.

On the line.

Have you found my heart?
Because you are the only one
Who trespassed
into my
Realm

This is the line
and your feet remain
on it.

Masakan Baru.

Berapa lama
Masa
yang akan kita ambil
untuk
Mencernakan
Huruf-huruf yang menyebut

M-E-L-A-Y-U
C-I-N-A
I-N-D-I-A
J-A-W-A
B-E-N-G-A-L-I
I-B-A-N
K-A-D-A-Z-A-N
A-S-L-I
B-A-J-A-U

Masakkanlah huruf-huruf itu
menjadi suatu hidangan yang baru
mungkin bunyinya

BA-BAN-LA-LI-WA-CI-DI-AS-LI-ZAN-IN-JAU-DA-BEN-KA-NA-ME-JA-I-GA-A-YU

Lagukan kesemuanya sekali!
Rasailah nikmat harmoni rasa itu
Aku yakin
setiap ciri bahannya akan masih mampu
kau nilaikan satu persatu

Tapi yang lebih penting
Haruslah
yang baru itu dicari maknanya yang baru
ditolak-tolakkanlah sifat benci
dipanggil-pangilkanlah muafakat!

Kerna sesuatu yang indah
umpama Malaysia itu
Bukankah hasil tangan semua?
Lalu usah biarkan
Fikiran rosak membunuh
kecantikannya.

Ayuhlah!

Of Singledom, Freedom, and Papedom..

No matter how cool I look in my 20-ringgit-Paris Hilton-style-big ass-shade, I'd pretend to be cooler than that when the matter pops up (time and again and time and again).

"Mak ni, tengok orang sana sini bermenantu, teringin jugak nak buat kenduri kat rumah ni"

Hell.

Killer sentence follows,

"Mak pun dah sakit-sakit, tak tau la lama lagi ke tak nak jadi mak enkorang ni"

The implication is clear. I better get my ass on the pelamin soon, or she'll do something crazy to make me do it.

See, I'm 25. Not 35. And y'all 25-yr-old boys and girls are making me look 5 years older than I am by merely sending your wedding cards to my home (where my mother lives). Stop, for Heaven's sake. I'd appreciate sms invitation or email or some technologically advanced methods like Friendster or Facebook!

But you know, we (the yet-to-be-married hot ladies) can't be running away or sulking our hearts out when our mothers, aunts and grandmas do this to us, or if you have a friend like Sarimah who would still send that damn card to your home regardless. Ladies, UNITE! We've to reason, explain, and share what we plan to do in life so they'll see that while we want to have our own family one day, we're at the moment consumed with our worldly affairs and lust.

More than 5 of my girlfriends have had problems whereby their boyfriends are not approved by the Lord of the Darjat Rings reigning their family. Some ladies I talked to are hungry for money than the other word with the same sound but different spelling. Some others terbalik, but have no intention to get married. While that is scary shit (I still love you beb, u know who you are), there are other cases where you find your lady friends hooking up with their true love, who happens to consume his marriage every night and yet vilifies their wives so that their girlfriends pity them.

Then weirder ideas came into being like,

"Syu, aku rasa aku nak anak bf aku, even tho dia tak kawin ngan aku sebab bini dia tu garang. Ko rasa bayi tabung uji okay tk?"

Kill me now, I still dont know if bayi tabung uji can take the male donor's name or not.

My point is, when the time comes, it'll come. People are already messed up as they are and I have no intention to just masuk line sana sini for the sake of a marriage. Sometimes I just cant quite understand how things are so simplified by the older generations as if we're cats and don't really care who that we're marrying. Sometimes I think that people like me are just shunning it off for fear of losing our freedom.

I wish mothers see marriage as a papedom in a full course meal at a mamak place; it sure adds up the taste of that fiery melange of curry and nasi beriyani, and I will want its supply to last as long as the beriyani remains in my plate, but it will never be the center of my attention, at least not for now.

May the Eye of Mommy-Sauron be fixed on my brothers! God-speed!

Be with Me.

When I learn
about humanity
Outside the house
Father,
I intend to keep it.

I will be called naiive
I will be plastered with disdain and filth
I might die drowning
in the middle of chaos
But you can never save me
from my oath for
Peace

All the more
I am in need of you
My true
Hero
So change, Father
if unable,
I beg you to pray for me

I learned what humanity is
It is devoid of a form
It is everywhere
Every single place
that God touched with
His Compassion.

So I shall be
what I intend to be
With
or
without
You
My Father.

The Third Party-Goer.

We are capturing
each other
with our
Eyes.

Words that come
out from hiding
have always
been
There.

Say it, friend
when truth is dancing
between us
Who leaped with
Joy
the most?

Let me hold
your hand
in this Threesome
meeting
Who is that holding
the other?

Hafiz.

I am currently reading Hafiz, the sufi from Persia. His poems affected me like no other. Even sometimes comparable to that of Rumi. Or, even better.

He is such a bold writer, true to his convinction, and rather playful - which makes it more fun reading him. I will reproduce here my favourite poem of his:

The Sun Never Says.

Even
After
All this time
The sun never says to the earth

"You owe
Me."

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the
Whole
Sky.

From Ipoh to Ipanema.

7am
She strolled down the isle
Her gaze never ahead
To the left
to the right
I watch her intently
her lips twitching
and her hand reddened from weight
of fruits and vegetables

7:05am
She stopped by
like her eyelashes
we never meet
not even in the thinnest of time
parted by north and south

7:07am
She passed by
leaving me
singing the bossa nova of Ipanema
comparing the melancholic move of the servant girl
I met in Ipoh
Filling time with space
and space with her.

I want to be.

I want to be a tree
that continues to grow
leaf by leaf
every single day

This tree
because the leaves
put so much weight
the trunk shrinks
pulling it down
closer, and closer to
earth

when it dies
it dies green
and so close to earth
there will be no need
for a burial

I'm home
to the Maker
fulfilling purpose
that He made me see.

Book Crossing.

Imagine a travelling gnome.

You see it in Madrid.
Someone pick it up and travels to Brazil for spring break.

Then the person left the gnome again, this time by a blind musician in a park. And it continues to travel, as people like you and me find him.

Someone exchange the idea of the gnome with books.
Leave a book on a bench.
See where it ends up.

www.bookcrossing.com

Dear mamita, light of my life,

I hope you’re taking care of yourself well, and that the medicines serve you punctually and faithfully. For my love never ceases to surround you especially where my presence had failed.

I am more than almost always happy. I had seen two potential organisations that are best for my career advancement. Personally I prefer one from the other, where I believe I can find peace of mind and torch of my passion. But peace of mind is a luxury, and it shouldn’t be my priority now.

Today I read about Che Guevara, mamita. I fell in love with his adventures, oh how I want it to be mine. You know how we always talk about men who are true to themselves, the ones who are real, and he is so real. His father wrote about him, through a worn out diary that he found, literally saved minutes before eaten by fire.

It saddens me the way he told me about his son, mama. By the time, Che Guevara was already dead. And the father discovered the man that his son was through his writings. How painful to bear a longing that he can never quench.

I learned from him that life is found with unstoppable feet, hungry stomach, and sane mind. They drive us to be mad about discovery. Didn’t He make everything for each to be unveiled?

Would you let me be your Che, mamita?

Su

Women are Smarter than Men.

Thought I'd share what I wrote to my potential employer with y'all.
_______________________________

Women are smarter than men. Allow me to state the obvious. Academically, the number of women graduating from university worldwide is getting more year on year, and well above the numbers of men successful of the same. Women are naturally smarter, however, social imposition on them to be more domestically inclined, and discrimination from the male-dominated world have been holding them back from being at the forefront of many important positions and responsibilities in the various job sectors. Once these are slowly changing, and smart women become smart, educated women, we can see the surge of new, recognised talents ready to outperform their male predecessors.

Two months ago, I watched a debate on RTM1 between two local college leaders on the issue of male college students not performing as well as their female counterparts. During the question and answers session, I cannot help but to be surprised by the way the male graduates are handling the situation. They made such unremarkable remarks and arguments in defense of the laid out facts only to prove that not only the statistics are telling, but men unfortunately, are left behind in terms of matching the emotional intelligence shown by women.

According to New York Times (1/9/2006), part of the reason that women are getting smarter lies in their positive attitude towards work. Women take their work more seriously, they thrive to perfect their work ethic to avoid stress and most of the time complete the job assigned to them with utmost quality. They know that they have to work not only smarter but also harder to break through the existing male-dominated world. Women now realise that men are not superior; women too can excel in any job. It is just a matter of learning how to overcome the challenges, fast.

Even after joining the workforce, women continue their quest for education, more so than men. They pursue a higher degree, professional qualifications, or simply, read more than men. As a 25-year old professional woman, it is my own observation that my fellow female friends and I enjoy having intelligent conversation with each other more than with our male friends. Women know a lot more, and even getting better in traditionally male-areas such as business, investment, real estate, and politics. I see a lot more drive in us women, and we are fast in executing our plans. Men on the other hand, talk about women, or about the most up-to-date PlayStation game, which women hardly recognise ourselves with.

Proving themselves as capable individuals, women do not only excel in their job, they continue to manage their household well. They have a broader view and excellent management skills that work to the benefit of their job, and their family. Undermining the tasks that women do efficiently at home is egotistical. Managing a house requires more hours, superb diplomatic skills, and excellent delegation of work to conquer the workload. Time is rarely enough; it is with working smart that all tasks be done on time.

Men might still dominate majority of the world, but women have always been the dominating force of men. The rise and fall of men has everything to do with the smart women around them. Most important of all, women are smarter and more confident now to leave the backstage, and conquer the world with spectacular performance. I know, because I am one of them.

(Ayat terakhir merupakan ayat cheesy bertujuan menjual diri sendiri kepada bakal bossku. Oh yeah!)

Mystery of the Black Hole.

I was writing an article on why women are smarter than men when I came across a statement; the bigger the purse is, the smarter the woman. First of all, on women being smarter than men, isn't it is obvious? Men dont know what mauve means, how can they claim to be smart? Forget it.

Giggling in agreement with the purse statement,Sarimah, the bitch who shares a house with me and I decided to explore our own purses, to crown the smarter between us, which is again, obviously me. Curtain up!

Dont underestimate the size.

Mine's black, hers the other. Even though it looks like the mine's smaller, but i got more items! (Boleh berbangga pulak hal2 cenggini)

What you see is one tenth of what you'll get baby!

27 items in total. Umbrella a necessity untuk mengelakkan kebakaran kulit, on top of the SPF15 Olay on my face (and neck, mind you). Some of the weird ones include a piece of newspaper of great sentimental value, 3 pens (hey, 2 of em might fail to work!), Starbucks loyalty card that expires in Feb; who's gonna get that 10 stickers in like 2 weeks? Stupid or crazy? The most interesting follow:

2 sets of padlock. I have no explanation on this. How did they get in?

In case I mysteriously landed in Dubai, I have this 50cents to spend. Call my mother to pick me up. Or gamble.

That newspaper I was talking about. I still keep it.

Sarimah is determined to set a record of the funniest entry on earth with her entry on the same subject matter. My funny bones are already vibrating. I'll give out Raja Lawak plastic trophy to her even before reading it. Take it away!

Science for Words.

This is for philosophers
Wonderers
Believers of truth
People of words
Souls submitting to God

Trade some of your words
for science
Spend some of that time
You use to understand
and arrange words
To unveil the finest
of God's creations

Science is one step towards Him
Which he replied with
a thousand more

Then when you have mastered it
who better person to spread
words pregnant with evidence?

Now take a walk in a garden
Touch the petals of colours
Swim in the depth of
every sweet scent
Reason
and tell me about God
in all earnestness
and truth.

My Head is Paining.

Alahai
What you want from me?
You want ayam masak merah, nasi tomato?
Here’s mashed sadin, there’s bread
You want masass
I banged you with
My expensive roller
What?
No! What nonsense you talking?
(Cilaka betul si gila ni)

Alahai
Is that all you can give me?
Couldn’t do better ah?
Hospital attendant can give better flower
Heck, I don’t want flower
I want chocolate
No I change my mind
I want silence
I want half of yours
And mine’s still mine

Alahai
I don’t have time
I have work
I have yoga
I have friends
I have my boys
I have poetry reading
I have books
I have coffee with karan
No! Vegas oso I have
Cannot, cannot
Next week?
I’ll call ok?

Alahai
You want to leave
Ok go
To the left, to the left
Packing oso you don’t know how
Let me help you
One time what – I like doing service
Charitable, that’s who I am

Thank you, i know
No never mind
No need to call
No I don’t want to know
Bye bye
Ok ok.. no problem
Bye!

Newfound.

Liberation is a funny thing
It's like giving coffee to tea lovers
Inviting scorn and rolled eyes
Then I drink the coffee half empty
And still serve it, pucker my lips
(Together now) Aaahhh!

So much for loving tea!

Liberation is a funny thing
Like my strokes of buncho colours
on winged virgin's breasts
Having no idea
why she even exist,
When she couldnt possibly rival me

So much for day dreaming!

Liberation is
when I cupped your face
sighed to your teeth
saying I'm in love with love
and love flies.

So much for triviality!

Sapa pada angin.

Semalam (or kemarin) I was at home watching the series of "Mencari Jodoh" or something like that on YouTube. It's a 14-part (each is approx 10 mins) of a forum discussing on the subject matter lah. Dont ask me why i watched that. It was a recommendation from my dear sexy friend (you know who you are!), and it totally rocked!

Anyways, the content of the forum was really enlightening. Not in the sense that , "Ooo now I know how to menggoda", but more like, "Oo so this is how men think, this is how women are different from men, and that is the way you should handle situations." Very, very, informative. If you've been in and outta love and think you've mastered the art of relationship, think again.

The one thing that caught my attention the most is a discussion on communicating through metaphysical medium. It's like, sometimes a makcik angkat dulang cawan tetiba terjatuh, she'll go nuts figuring out if something happened to her son, who might be thousands and thousands of miles away in the wintry blues of Wisconsin, for example.

And Dr. Fazilah Kamsah was trying to say that, sometimes when you want to say things to other people, you could do so by just "menyapa pada angin". That's something that people of old times use to say, but of course, it wasn't proven scientifically la how it works. But it works. I believe it. In my case, it usually doesnt need me to even say it; mere thoughts would invite response! Think of my mom, and voila - the phone rang! Think of Sarimah, there - she emailed me with the usual bitching butchering.. Wait, why would I think of.. nvm.

It's even freakier when I told my pillow or sometimes my Astro decoder clock that I need to wake up at 6am and the next morning - sharp at 6am, I was wide awake. So it seems we can talk to not only people, but other inanimate things as well. Or perhaps I was talking to myself. Then again, people do talk to their plants, animals, pens, cars; at least I did!

J'ai mal compris.

J'ai mal compris
Ce que je fais
C'est de la necessité
Ou bien de ma passion
qui ne reste jamais

Il faut pas retourner
Ça marchera pas bien
En faite,
Ça me fait rien.

Half.

Wanting you
Half for the right reasons
Another half for the wrong reasons
Will it remain
justified?

I am Nemo.

You know you've reflected too much when your imagination jumps from becoming an architect, to an accountant, to an academic, to an ambassador to the UN in matters of hours.

In this sea of people and chaos, where the unknown swallows those who're unsure, I felt choked, robbed, and blinded from truth.

To my friend Lina aka Ayu, please forget what I said about freaking accounting. I am everywhere yet nowhere. Hope you understand my situation.

Next, the real stuff.

Spoke to a friend about cluster munitions. It is currently debated .. hmm, where exactly is it debated at? Well, somewhere in Geneva, I imagine an IGO where he's currently working at.

When he mentioned cluster munitions to me, that was the first time I heard about it, phrased that way. It is essentially landmines, only more sophisticated, smaller, deadlier, more widely used now.

So according to him this debate's objective is to find an instrument to limit to the best possible, the utilisation of this weapon. Tough Joes of the West and Israel love this thing. Israel recently use them during the Lebanon attack. It is argued for that the use of cluster munition protects their soldiers. Therefore, making its utilisation beneficial, needed from their perspective.

Unfortunately, once they leave the battle field, they do not care to clean up the mess - leaving the inhabitant of the land exposed to landmines. Landmines maim, kill, disrupt economic activities, and frustrate many. In addition to cleaning up the landmines,there is also an issue about who is going to bear the healthcare cost of the victims?

Talking about costs- the costs of an injured breadwinner is high for a society. An injured or dead breadwinner in a lot of times means the collapse of a family's economic ability, creating more people in need in comparison to those who provide. I am sure though, that this aspect will be least considered by the states which use the weapon.

Who?

I was thinking; who’s that person whose persona I wish to have, whose clear purpose I want to share, whose view on what matters resonate with mine, whose love for human is littered in her actions?

That person is, Angie Jolie.
And I want to be like her.
Cliched? Whatever!

Just look at her – she’s got a money making talent, which millionaired her. She’s got the knowledge, the awareness on what’s important in life, and her kids, who drive her to champion life for all the excellent reasons.

Voilà! The priority in life is laid well in front of me, by Angelina Jolie.

1. Make millions, if not billions
2. Find my true calling
3. Participate
4. Build a family
5. Live, and die fulfilled.

Miss World.

Perhaps the beauty queens
know it best
"For World Peace!"
Hence, shall we revise the subject
together

World peace is hindered
by thousands of thoughts
which translate into actions
Bloody actions

The factor that does not flatter
lies in Greed,
The Destroyer
The world is huge
but we're not disconnected

Actions chain
One after another
Be it Good or Bad

World peace is not in the beautiful
hands of the queens
It lies in my good hand
Punishing my bad hand
In my good thoughts
killing my bad thoughts

Peace starts with me
Not the Missy World.